Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
bring money and cleavage
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
