rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
