I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
