Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
