fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
