I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
