Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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