As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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