it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
