I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
