Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
