so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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