I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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