First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
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she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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