So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
