i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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