Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
