He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
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I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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