Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
