He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
