She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
