This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
