I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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