I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
