I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize