she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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