I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
