some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
