remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
