He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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