haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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