My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
