He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
