just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
