I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
