i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I will be naked everywhere
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
