I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's blow job season.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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