I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
