If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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