I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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