there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
