After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
