I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
