tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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