I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
