I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
