I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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