I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
