So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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