If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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