Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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