i don't like sucking hair
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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