he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
