nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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