New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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