I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
