i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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