To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
