awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
