I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
