Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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