its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
