just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
