Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
