dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
