I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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