You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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