Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
